2019-02-13 by W.M.
This Stoner Broke into a Vacant House to Get High and Ran into a Giant Tiger
Last week, a very unlucky stoner in Houston looking for a place to get high decided to sneak into an abandoned house and light up, an already-sketchy move that quickly got way, way sketchier. The seemingly-vacant building wasn’t actually abandoned—it was home to a giant goddamn tiger, KTRK reports.
The anonymous smoker did what any normal person would do in that situation—namely, get the fuck out of there immediately—and called the cops to report what they’d found. But the police were pretty skeptical once they heard the whole story. Was there really a massive tiger in some random Texas house, or was the tipster just extremely fucking blazed off some Harold and Kumar-strength weed?
“A concerned citizen called 311. They were trying to get into this house to smoke marijuana,” the Houston Police Department’s Sgt. Jason Alderete told KTRK. “We questioned them as to whether they were under the effects of the drugs or they actually saw a tiger.”
Once the cops showed up to check out the tip, they realized that the tiger was very, very real, and very, very dangerous. Whoever owned the cat was keeping it in a cage inside the garage, police told Click2Houston, but the “rinky-dink” contraption wasn’t exactly enough to hold a 350-pound tiger. It wasn’t even locked.
If the tiger really wanted to escape, it wouldn’t have taken much for her to bust loose—the garage door itself was only held shut with a few straps and a screwdriver, cops said. As the City of Houston’s Lara Cottingham told Click2Houston, the tiger was hanging out in “a pretty small cage inside basically a garage in a house that didn’t look like it was in the best shape.”
“It was important that we get it out of that situation,” she said.
It’s unclear who owned the illegal exotic animal, but whoever did had to have been with it at least somewhat recently—the cops reportedly found a bunch of packaged meat in the garage near the cage. The Houston PD is investigating and will decide if charges will be filed. Meanwhile, the tiger has been safely removed from the garage, and officials are looking for a new home for her. There’s no word on what happened to the stoner, but wherever they are, let’s hope they steer clear of sneaking into vacant houses to get blazed from now on. You never know what you might find in there.
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