2019-02-14 by W.M.
This Florida Man Destroying Roger Stone on Infowars Is So Satisfying
Michael from Florida has been watching Alex Jones for 20 years, ever since he became a fixture of public access TV in Texas. It’s unclear if his recent call-in to Infowars was his first, but boy was it a doozy.
Ostensibly, the Orlando resident dialed up host Owen Shroyer and guest Roger Stone to talk taxes. Given that he’s a loyal listener of right-wing fringe radio, it’s probably safe to assume that Michael didn’t vote for Hillary, which would put him squarely in the camp of people pissed off at Trump’s administration and regularly skewered on the subreddit TrumpGrets. Like a lot of voters who came to regret what they did to themselves in 2016, Michael kicked off his time on air complaining about how his middle-class family was going to be be paying a boatload more in taxes under the GOP “cuts.”
“Hey, first and foremost, I want to say under my current taxes—I just got information from my accountant—under Trump now, I’m going to pay $4,200 more in taxes than I did in 2017,” he told Shroye. “Thank you.”
He then shifts into attacking Stone, who was arrested last month on seven felony counts to the surprise of almost no one, with the exception of Chad Ochocinco. After calling Stone a “snowflake” and a “marshmallow,” he slams him for the way he complained about his run-in with the cops—an arrest he said was more violent than the raids on Osama bin Laden and El Chapo, which, you know, good fucking god.
“They didn’t throw you down on the ground! You say your dogs were terrified and your wife was out in the street without her shoes on in the Florida freezing cold—59 degrees. You guys are snowflakes, and you’re going to go down in prison. You’re facing 40-plus years, Stone,” Mike from Florida says, now fully sounding like a WWE wrestler. “It’s coming down on you.”
A visibly stunned Stone only manages to say, “Don’t bet the ranch, muchacho” (????), and then asks Michael to give his full name and address, which is weird and vaguely terrifying. Shroye, for his part, does what he does best: He tries to spin the whole thing into a conspiracy, asking Mike “who told [him] to call.” Rather than take the bait, our hero dunks on him like a goddamn pro.
“When someone has a good point and puts you in a corner, obviously it’s a conspiracy,” Mike from Florida says, embodying the energy I want to bring to 2019 and beyond. “Yeah, I’m being paid by [George] Soros. He sends me a check every week to watch your show and call in. Yeah, right.”
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